


Companion Classes

by vvj5 (lost_spook)



Category: Doctor Who (1963)
Genre: Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-04-24
Updated: 2008-04-24
Packaged: 2017-11-04 19:45:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,226
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/397533
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lost_spook/pseuds/vvj5
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Doctor decides it's time that Peri learnt a little bit about him.  Naturally this includes a slide-show presentation, some confusion and a written test.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Companion Classes

**Author's Note:**

> The idea that sparked this piece of nonsense came from _About Time 6_ by Tat Wood, although I think it's something that's occurred to a lot of people before this...

The Doctor fixed the screen for the slide projector after much cursing and impatience at its refusal to co-operate, dimmed the lights and produced a baton and prepared to begin. 

"Doctor," interrupted Peri, desperate to avoid what looked like being a lengthy lecture. "I don't think there's any need for this." 

He gave her a reproachful look. "Peri, who said - and I quote - that you 'hardly knew me at all', especially since my regeneration? I may have over-reacted a little at the time, but I must admit you have a point and one that I am about to rectify - if you will allow me!" 

Peri sat back down in defeat and folded her arms as the Doctor pressed the button on the slide show. She fiddled with the pen and paper he had given her (in case she wanted to take notes). 

She sighed heavily, regretting her careless words. Now she was about to get an illustrated guide to the Doctor's life and while she suspected that could be interesting, what she did know about him made her certain that it was going to involve much pomposity, arch humour and more smugness than she was prepared to put up with after a long day of endless corridors, screaming and running from alien monsters while wearing unsuitable clothes. 

He flourished the baton as if it were a magic wand. "I have travelled across the galaxies and visited so many of the most interesting times and places in the cosmos." 

"Very nice, Doctor, but that's a chicken." 

The Doctor turned to look at his slides. "What's _that_ doing there?" He hastily moved on a few slides, showing varied and improbable landscapes. 

"Wow," said Peri, almost prepared to enjoy it. 

"Through the years I've shared my travels with a few friends," he continued grandly, clicking on to the next. Susan, Ian, Barbara, Vicki -" 

Peri surveyed the picture up on the screen. "Vicki was a giant insect?" 

"No!" He glared at her and pointed with the baton. " _That_ is Vicki - that's a Zarbi." 

"Oh." 

"Stephen, Katarina, Sara Kingdom -" 

"So what happened to all these people?" 

The Doctor looked at the screen. "Well..." 

"Doctor?" Peri sat up in her seat. "They didn't all die, or something did they?" 

He rounded on her. "Of course they didn't! What an appalling suggestion!" 

"So?" 

"Married, went off home together, married to Prince Troilus of Troy-" 

"You have got to be kidding!" 

The Doctor paused. "Turned out he was partial to giant insects." 

"Very funny." 

"Well, Steven found a planet to call his own, Katarina [mumble] and so did Sara-" 

"I'm sorry, but they _what_ , Doctor?" 

He scowled. "I'm afraid, Peri, that they did meet untimely ends during their travels with me." 

"I knew it," said Peri. 

"Of course, it _was_ due to a run in with my worst enemies, the Daleks." 

"It's amazing," said Peri, who definitely was beginning to enjoy herself, "how much they look like chickens as well." 

He turned again and saw the feathered images on the screen and then glared at the projector. "I thought I just removed that one!" He flicked on hastily. "There we are - Ben and Polly. They _didn't_ die." He glanced up at the screen before passing on. "Then there was Jamie and Victoria -" 

"Your slides are mixed up again," observed Peri. "Otherwise Victoria's a strange name for a boy - even if he is wearing a skirt." 

"Skirt?" echoed the Doctor. " _Skirt?_ SKIRT? That, Peri, is a kilt." 

She smiled to herself. "Really?" 

"As I suspect you knew perfectly well," he concluded, with a rueful look in her direction. 

He took a deep breath and continued. "Zoe."

"Like the outfit," said Peri, observing the sparkly catsuit. 

He gave her an aggrieved look. "What is that remark supposed to mean?"

Peri glanced at his coat. "You wouldn't get it."

"I must say I don't think it's any less practical than some of _your_ outfits," he retorted haughtily.

She coloured, since she'd always assumed that he was pretty much oblivious to anything she wore. Well, that was one lesson learnt. She decided that she'd try to see if she could make it to the TARDIS wardrobe without ending up in the swimming pool again.

"Now where was I?" he said. "Ah, yes. Zoe. Now, I suppose I should include the Brigadier and the rest of UNIT at this point." 

Peri opened her mouth to speak. 

"And," said the Doctor, turning at the same moment and forestalling her, "I realise that I seem to have a slide of Bridgwater Girl's Grammar School Hockey Team from 1932." 

"Dare I ask?" 

He made a face. "There's no need for puerile jokes, Peri. I have _no_ idea how that got there. Aha! That's UNIT - the Brigadier, Sergeant Benton, Mike Yates -" 

"That's weird," said Peri. "It looks as though there's the shadow of something behind them." 

He pointed his baton at the picture. "Don't be silly, Peri. And that is -. How very unaccountable! There _is_ a strange shadow at the back." He stared at his own slide for some minutes until Peri regretted she'd mentioned it. "It's the Master! What was he doing?" 

"Double exposure?" offered Peri. 

He directed a scathing look at her and declined to comment. "I worked for UNIT while I was stranded on Earth - a little misunderstanding with the Time Lords. That was Liz Shaw, one of my assistants during that time and this was Jo Grant -" 

"None of them died, did they?" 

"Die? No!" He smiled at her. "Jo did disappear off up the Amazon, but that was entirely her own choice. Then came Sarah Jane Smith, Harry Sullivan-" 

"He's cute." 

Alarmed, the Doctor looked up at his slides, but found he did have the right one on view. That being so, he gave Peri an outraged look instead and continued deliberately, "Leela, K9, K9, Romana, Romana -"

Peri let him get on with it and hoped that there weren't too many more. 

"Adric, Nyssa, Tegan -" 

"And what did _she_ do to you?" asked Peri. 

"I beg your pardon?" 

Peri raised an eyebrow. "Come on, Doctor, you've listed everyone else, but you didn't say their names as if you wanted to throw them out of the TARDIS in mid-flight." 

"Did I?" he asked in surprise. "Then there was Turlough, as you will remember -" 

"And what happened to them?" 

He became hurt. "Peri, this obsession with how people left -" 

"Call it professional interest," she said. "I mean, how many corridors can a girl run down before something finally catches up with her?" 

He shook his head. "Really, Peri. I'm hurt. How could you suggest I am that careless with the lives of my dearest friends?" 

"Okay, okay," she said. "Forget it." 

The Doctor cheered up and started listing aliens he'd encountered, although his second attempt to find a picture of the Daleks resulted in slides of mushrooms, K9 and the TARDIS console. 

Peri breathed a sigh of relief as he finally turned the lights back on. She forced a smile, crossed her fingers behind her back and said, "Thanks, Doctor." 

He raised a finger. "The fun isn't over yet, Peri! I thought a little written paper would help to-" 

* 

The Doctor spat out pieces of paper, moments after she had stormed out, his expression hurt. "She's overwrought," he decided. "Really, I can't understand what is wrong with that girl sometimes!" 

***


End file.
